Smile, Justin Bieber's all grown-up just like mentor Usher. Let's see he's got a Christmas album, a perfume, a sold out concert tour AND a paternity scandal. Sigh. Sun-rise, sunset. Is it just us or do Mariah Yeater's descriptions of de-virginizing Beiber in a concert hall bathroom sound a little bit like a storyboard for a Flintstones' Vitamin commercial. Ya know, Chubby cheeked kids clomping around in 'mommy shoes' and chasing puppies into mud-puddles. Bubble-gum scented, clumsy, no-rotica. His maybe-baby-lady just turned twenty, while Feebs is sixteen which may make Yeater's infant exhibit "A" in both the paternity suit and a statutory rape case. Could Yeater be Jailed for Raping Justin Beiber? According to our lovely legal dept. at Sneaky Salmon studios ( muah, "M") it's pretty unlikely. Similar non-celebrity cases have reached but been turned away from the California supreme court. And Yeater could always withdraw her paternity suit until the statute of limitations run out on her rape case and simply pray that Beiber doesn't go broke in the meanwhile. And like many other states, Cali has a 'Romeo and Juliet' clause to its under-age rape cases. As long as the perpetrator (Chester the Molester) is less than three years older than the victim (Jail bait) , it will only be prosecuted as a misdemeanor. Good news for Yeater. And good news for all those football captains, you can keep boning those in-coming Freshmen for yeaaaars to come.
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