As if you didn't know...

Blonde's inhumanity to brunettes did not reach an all new height last week.

That tired little girl at the Awards show was not forced to carry the train of Pamela Anderson's dress. It was actually a bundle of extra skin that Pam keeps on hand...just in case.

Because I got High! Beacuse I got High...

Back when sneaky was still dating, rather than "hookin' up", she dated a sweet geek with great oral technique and a total Android's Dungeon fixation on Batman/Dark Knight comics. Well, you have to do something while the bong is being re lit and and reading old DC comics sorta count as something. No matter how many people were potential blown up by the Joker, no matter how many banks the Riddler robbed, no matter how many dildos the Clittickler shorted out...they always ended up in the Arkham Asylum For the Criminally Insane. Rotting there with 1 million other maniacs until they escaped or something. A little like Mr. Chang's in LA. Or Reality TV. First we had corpse groom Richard Jenkins on Megan Wants a Millionaire, now we have probable wife-beater Richard Heegan( a refuge from Wife Swap) attempting to re-enter reality world by faking a weather balloon taking flight with his kid ahem Falcon ahem inside! During the massive search at least 2 planes and 5 networks showed up trying to find ahem Falcon ahem. Once it was exposed as an alleged ( obvious) hoax all sorts of criminal charges started brewing including a conspiracy charge involving a major media source. Sneaky is certain that the conspiracy reaches back yeeeeeaaaars! Who names their kid Falcon?! They probably were hatching this very special balloon hoax from the moment the kid was born. Hence naming the poor kid ahem Falcon ahem. There had to be some shady backroom deal with the Mac people going down when Gwen Paltrow named her spawn Apple.

As if you didn't know...

Jon Gosselin your daughter's name is spelled with one "d" not two.

It's a 3 skank job.

Three new blonds are moving into the Playboy mansion to replace Holly, Bridget, and Kendra. Hef is keeping the incest theme going in 2009 and two of the girls are indeed sisters AND twins. Maybe one girl boinks him and the other two defibrillate him? Hef should add a seeing-eye dog to the mansion menagerie because he's following up the Heidi Montag mud photo spread with a pictorial of a poorly lippo'ed 33 year old Tyra Reid! Posing for Playboy used to mean something, now its quick self-esteem booster for any unlikable "six" who asks nicely enough, it's the Hollywood version of getting a makeover at the Clinique counter.

I guess that's why they call it the blues.

This September, Elton John and his husband David Furnish were unable to adopt a toddler from Romania. Several reasons were cited for the refusal including an over abundance of scrotum in the celebrity marriage. Seems that growing up an AIDS orphan in soul grinding poverty in a developing country trumps having to see your dad kiss your other dad on the family's private jet every time they jaunt off to a baptism at Buckingham palace. Hmm, Sneaky wouldn't mind being adopted by Daddy Elton and Papa David! Romanian law also states that prospective parents must be no more than 46 years older than potential adoptees. Unfortunately, similar laws aren't in place to protect Romanian mail-order sex brides.

The boy can't help it..

Attention TMZ, Perez, Etc. Etc.! If Mickey Rourke couldn't stop himself from getting enough plastic surgery to turn himself into a human hemorrhoid, there is no way he's going to be able to stop himself from saying Fa99ot7...over and over and over again.http://www.tmz.com/2009/10/11/mickey-rourke-i-meant-what-i-said/

And Next week on The MacKenzie Philips Show...

Uh, Oh little MacKenzie, Roman Polanski won't be taking you to the big dance...looks like its another Blockbuster night at home with Daddy.

*DE-voRcr Boi!

In her 2006 ceremony to Sum 41 musician Deryck Whebley, Avril Lavigne married as a blond with pink bridesmaids' dresses and a pave cross on a tasteful chain. Three years later she's divorcing as a brunette complete with a cheesy tattoo of his initial on her wrist and an upcoming album of heart wrenching "honest"songs about all her dreams being crushed like a house of cards. Or something. Just picture P!nk and Carey Hart without the award winning album and the nice-guy cameo in the ex's video...and the reconciliation.

What I did on my summer vacation...

Looks like Lilo waited until labor day weekend to complete her independant project for Paris Fashion Week. The fashions showcased at the Ungaro show seemed to cater to the three types of chicks you find at porn conventions; short minidresses for girls with Vivid Video contracts, lots of ironic heart shaped nipple pasties for Suicide Girls with daddy issues and 80's style sequined Knott's Landing bolero jackets with harem pants for vintage actresses who need a bit more room in the seat. Of course the most interesting thing to come down the runway was Lilo's face, which seemed to be a sad mix of plastic surgery and Paxil. What happened? Sneaky thought that Sam Roson was going to save Lohan's life with two turntables and a who lotta pussy eating?

Kanye West Self-Destruct Meter

Lady GaGa throws Kanye off her tour...

Level: Nike

As if you didnt know...

TMZ sucks! In yesterday's broadcast they identified former NFL player Terry Crews as "that guy from Friday". Since Sneaky is pretty sure they didn't mean Ice Cube we're guessing they meant the guy who plays Deebo... Tom Lister, Jr. and his jacked-up eye. If their fact checkers weren't all high on skunk they would have noticed the mistake when they ran the film clip. Sneaky's fact checkers are high on several over the knee spamkings a day and you can see the difference in every post.

As if you didn't know...

The economy must be bad, the Kardashian girls are sharing everything. Kourtney gets knocked up and Khloe gets the sham shotgun wedding ( to an LA Laker) with a David's Bridal dress. Man and wife (also a man) have known each other for a little less than eight weeks, so Sneaky is guessing that he hasn't seen her without her extensions or with her penis untucked. Though that must have made for a great garter toss.

Kanye West Self-Destruct Meter...

Barack Obama calls Kanye a jackass...

Level: Adidas.

John and Kate plus Hate

Seems like John Gosselin is attempting to take Chris Brown's "Pussy Weight Champion of The
World" title away from him. Chris Brown beat up Rhianna and wore some ugly clothes and tacky jewelry, John Gosselin Keeps falling into 20something coochie and allegedly emptied out Kate's bank account! Gosselin seems mighty pissed off that TLC was going to continue taping his testicular investment AKA as his eight school age children. A couple of signatures later $235,000 dollars was gone and Kate was left with 1 thousand bucks in the bank. John's lawyer says Kate's money is safe and sound. Kate claims to be so devastated that she's removed her wedding ring and will replace it with a simple ring with "eight tiny diamonds". Sorry, Kate but Sneaky knows diamonds and a thousand bucks will only get you a ring with 1 tiny diamond. Or the first down payment on breast implants...either one.