Oh, Tiger...last time Sneaky checked in on you (from the Nordstrom's dressing room) we were trying to figure out if you were Black or White and YOU and Blondie were denying that there was any trouble in paradise. Well, the results are back from the lab in Helsinki and it turns out that you are neither Black nor White but simply a Douche..a category that exists across all ethnic groups, boarders and racial divides. And you Mr. Woods are a douche because you boinked an "Amber" on the compound without a condom! In fact, ladies if you wear an apron and carry a tray there's a pretty good chance that YOU too...could boink Tiger Woods. C'mon Tiger, first Rach, then that stringy broad from VH1's Tool Academy, then a random cocktail waitress, a porn star (ok, the Pornie was sorta cool) and a waitress from Perkin's. Perkin's is where waitresses go to work when they test positive for meth and get fired from IHOP. What next the girl who cuts the biscuits at KFC? The hairnet-lady who fries up Cajun sausages at Costco? Those sausages are yummy though, chase em with Gatorade and Ambien and you got yourself a party.
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