Ba-Da-Bing!

I guess Lil' Sicily Black Eye Cover-up for Ladies really will be sponsoring Jersey Shore since one of the "Guidettes" was one of the first casualties to a bar fight on the show. Though bar fight may be a little off ,since the female "Snooki" was sucker punched by a male gym teacher from NY! Constant readers know already how we feel about boys hitting girls...yes even really, really, really, definitely, certainly, very annoying girls like Snooki. But, to go up against a male gym teacher when your biggest daily physical achievement is getting your "pouf" high enough just isn't fair. The guy climbs "the rope" for a living. And this was no 1980's Alexis Carrington punch. This was a 1980's Mike Tyson style punch...Snooki got knocked the fuck out! and was left weeping on the barroom floor. Now, that probably happens every week but, this time it didn't involve 5 long island ice teas and a bottle of Xanax. Watch the footage here.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuynfY6LTRw

You've seen the Godfather? Meet the Godchildren.

MTV's new reality hit/ Italian minstral show Jersey Shore has been losing sponsors (and their money) after allegations that the show stereotypes Italians as over tanned, over-gelled, pumped up, not-so-smart party monsters...in hot tubs. Domino's Pizza and American Family Insurance both ran away screaming from the controversy the show generated. But, they gained a new advertiser when a company that specializes in background checks jumped on the hype band wagon hoping that viewers might tune in and then check for their boyfriend's name on their state's sex offender list. Sneaky is pretty sure that the "Guidos and Guidettes" will continue to add to their rosters...look for Amalgamated Switchblade, National Cannoli, Little Sicily Black Eye Cover-up for Ladies and Ed Hardy to air commercials during the show's half hour slot.

Brittany Murphy 1977-2009

Too Bad...

Alaina Reed-Amini AKA "Olivia" from Sesame Street 1946-2009

So Sad...

....http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Sad_(Pottle-Hall)

And in other douche News...

Watch Badgirls Club on Oxygen tonight and you'll get a chance to see Natalie Nunn, reality TVs first female douche or "DoucheHAG" if you will...in action.

Natalie claims to "run LA" and has been seen clubbing it up with Chris Brown...which can only mean one thing...Sneaky Salmon is finally letting Christopher off the hook for beating up Rhianna. Hitting girls is wrong, and punching Rhianna was especially wrong because he unleashed a flurry of interviews, magazine covers, and a soulfully autobiographical album...er. But if Chris Brown has been listening to that voice asking for an 8th shot of Patron and watching THAT face hover over the YKK on his zipper, he's obviously been punished enough.

Rootie, Tootie Fresh and Douch-y

Oh, Tiger...last time Sneaky checked in on you (from the Nordstrom's dressing room) we were trying to figure out if you were Black or White and YOU and Blondie were denying that there was any trouble in paradise. Well, the results are back from the lab in Helsinki and it turns out that you are neither Black nor White but simply a Douche..a category that exists across all ethnic groups, boarders and racial divides. And you Mr. Woods are a douche because you boinked an "Amber" on the compound without a condom! In fact, ladies if you wear an apron and carry a tray there's a pretty good chance that YOU too...could boink Tiger Woods. C'mon Tiger, first Rach, then that stringy broad from VH1's Tool Academy, then a random cocktail waitress, a porn star (ok, the Pornie was sorta cool) and a waitress from Perkin's. Perkin's is where waitresses go to work when they test positive for meth and get fired from IHOP. What next the girl who cuts the biscuits at KFC? The hairnet-lady who fries up Cajun sausages at Costco? Those sausages are yummy though, chase em with Gatorade and Ambien and you got yourself a party.